Bay Area Report (2)

Sitting in Strada, listening to the endless beauty of Mozart's piano concerto 23 and trying to work. It has been up and down in Berkeley and my confusions about the future of our relation continues to hold.

I'm working much better with higher self esteem. Big part of my selfesteem comes from the people that I work and live with it. Now I am totally convinced that the work environment can affect the work quality tremendously.

I try various things, meet interesting people and talk to many of them. Certainly a lot females, mainly successful and smart. I try to understand myself and what I really miss in that relationship. What expectations are really possible?
It's tough, quite tough to analyze that past life. In the macro level, it's filled with a lot of beauty, but as I dig in, there are a lot of dark dots that are lost in the big picture
Among the new things that I have tried here was the Improvised acting. A concept that I didn't know much about. I did some acting when I was 11-12 and I always loved to touch it again. And one sign of a cheap class in the YMCA club was enough to take me to this beautiful world. The whole thing is improvised. You're expected to get out of your shell, free yourself and start an act different from what you're doing in your daily life. The scenarios are made instantly and you're supposed to catch up right away.
One good movie that I watched here was: "Once". It's independent cinema at its best. It's the story of a string singer who is mouring a lost love. While playing on street of Dublin, he meets an Czech immigrant girl who is also dealing with a lost love story. The guy plays guitar and the girl knows piano. They tune together both their instruments and their hearts and the harmony flows. Oh that harmony and the resulting music is both intense and beautiful. The movie is more realistic than its similar predecessor like Before Sunset. It touches the realities and complexities of their lives and distances from deep romance. Ironically (for me) the movie is filmed on streets of Dublin: Grafton, St. Stephen Green, Temple Bar, etc. And it's filled with the Irish warm culture. I was tearful about half of this movie. Looking back at what happened from then to now and the question of tomorrow?

Life continues and I'm learning to look at life as it is and not in my fantasies. To look at problems and beauties both integrated with the daily life and to look at life as a trend of up and down together. I just hope that one way or the other I settle down with one vision towards the ....