White Balloon

Daily Journal of Mahaan, an Iranian-American student residing in USA.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

New life in Berkeley

After about 2 weeks in Berkeley, I am slowly finding myself in this new life. The change was rapid: Reyhan and I decided to split for the summer. Our peaceful nature couldn't bear even a light but long period of arguments and we had to make a decision. Reasons behind our arguments were clear and ambiguous. So much of ambiguity in our feelings towards each other and our definition of partnership had to be reviewed in peace and silence. The few months before this split were tough. Certainly the toughest period in my life time.
We both had collected enough intellectual capital and credit that we were able to find nice working/research opportunities and escape out of our town. Me in Berkeley, She in Boston.

The past week has been up and down. Struggling hard to define this period. I'm not looking for a formal definition here, but at least I need to clarify my priorities. Today I decided not be obsessed with this defining, and let the time decide many things. It was about 4:50 in the afternoon that I just made a momentarily decision care only about this evening. And in a city like Berkeley I can usually find something that suites my taste. I ended up with a very interesting play in a local theater: Blue Door which was about the racial and identity issues facing the African Americans in this country.

I feel alive and fresh. I am proud of myself and Reyhan to be able to make this split happen. At least we have started a change. It's going to be difficult. Very very difficult, but it's certainly better than living in a state of emotional fuziness for a life time.
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