White Balloon

Daily Journal of Mahaan, an Iranian-American student residing in USA.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Norouz-mania (1)

Where do I really belong? Iran or US? I guess this question rises to its peak every Norouz and probably Christmas-New year. It's been over 10 years now that I have not felt the real sense of Iranian Norouz. And still after years of living in US, I don’t have that much of feeling about Christmas and New year eve here. For me, the winter or Iran was always filled with fun. It could start with my own birthday in late January, move towards early February which was the anniversary of Iranian revolution and was the time of Tehran film festival and my marathon of film watching. After the festival was over, we had one month to Norouz which was practically filled with the smell of spring and last battles spring and winter weather. Retail Business got to its peak in that one month and streets were truly filled with the sense of new year. And then it was finally Norouz and a moment that I could feel that a year (that I had a definite feeling about it) was over and a new one starts. I could look back and remember that in Shahrivar this happened and in Mehr that one. Depending on my age, each Norouz had its own type of fun. And that was the reason that 13th of Farvardin which was the last day of Norouz festivities was usually the saddest day of year. And now, all that is totally off my mind. Now I'm confused about my memories: Parts of it happens in February, May and September and part of it is still in Shahrivar, Ordibehesht and Azar. And more important: That moment of change, the moment of silence, maybe with close eyes, maybe filled with a Ghazal by Hafez, filled with a view of what's gone and what’s coming! That does not happen any more! Neither in January 1st nor in Avale Farvardin! And now, I'm lost between 1384 and 2005!

The question keeps bouncing in my mind. Where do I really belong?! Yes, like many of fellow immigrants, I keep telling myself that life has its trade-offs and of course I have got a lot from my immigration to US. That's what the first generation immigrant has to pay. But I also tell my Iranian friends: Please let me be jealous to you at least once a year and that's now: Norouz!

To Be Continued ...

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